Transcription - Founder heart to heart.txt

00:00:00:01 - 00:00:20:20
Unknown
So in this video, I'm going to talk about the weekly ritual that separates startup co-founders who make it from those who don't. Here's the thing you might think, look, I talk to my co-founder all the time. We're sitting next to each other. Maybe we even live together. What are you talking about? In what world do I need another touchpoint with someone that I am literally in contact with visually or physically, every single day?

00:00:21:00 - 00:00:44:17
Unknown
Here's the thing. The fact that you're talking to your co-founder all the time can make it a problem, because you don't dedicate specific time to talking about the topics that actually matter. I use this ritual every single week with the co-founder of my last company. That's awesome. There's so many things, whether it's from starting full time at the company at different points in the journey, raising money, hiring people, firing people, a hard pivot, almost running out of money, Covid and an acquisition.

00:00:44:17 - 00:01:05:20
Unknown
So I know this works. And honestly, as an executive church, it focuses on co-founder costs. Like 90% of my clients probably wouldn't be working with me if they just dedicated themselves to this ritual every single week. So in this video, I'm going to tell you about what this ritual is, why it matters, how it works, and the step by step ways you can implement this and customize this for you in your business and your co-founder partnership.

00:01:05:21 - 00:01:24:15
Unknown
So first, let's address the point that you two talk all the time because yes you do. There's a lot going on with your company. You've got stand up, you've got planning meetings, you've got weekly retros. There's just so many situations in which you are talking to your co-founder, but all of that is operational. All of that is about problem solving, about the work, about getting things done.

00:01:24:15 - 00:01:46:07
Unknown
The tactical or even strategic nature of your business that is different. I'm talking about how the two of you are doing, both as people and as partners, because you expect to be on the same page. You don't clarify things, you make assumptions. And over time, even if many of your assumptions are correct, the ones that are incorrect will start to drift and start to weaken the relationship that you have now.

00:01:46:08 - 00:02:11:23
Unknown
Most of our founders know that their dynamic, their partnership, is one of the crucial key assets that the company has. Even before you raise money, even before you have a team, even before you have a killer product, you have each other, your complementary skills, your motivation, your dedication, your commitment to each other is the fuel that keeps this business going, and especially true during hard times, which means you need to invest in it when times are even moderately okay or positive.

00:02:12:00 - 00:02:29:10
Unknown
Another way of putting it is that the relationship is for infrastructure of your business. When that erodes, decision making gets shaky, trust goes down. You start working around each other rather than with each other. Friction compounds and the team, the partners, the customers, they all eventually feel it. So here's where this ritual is. I call it the founder.

00:02:29:10 - 00:02:47:23
Unknown
Heart to heart. It is a weekly one on one meeting, at least 30 minutes where it's just talking about the two of you, how you are doing. Not the business, not the roadmap, not hiring, not any other functional aspects of the business, but how each of you are doing. As people, as human beings, like physical health, your mental health, their emotional well-being.

00:02:48:00 - 00:03:03:08
Unknown
And how are you feeling about each other if at all possible? I would encourage you to do this in a different setting. Maybe you go to a coffee shop, maybe you go for a walk. Just find a way to make this feel different from some other readings that you have. Don't just run into a conference, or don't just get on zoom and talk to each other.

00:03:03:08 - 00:03:21:12
Unknown
Find a way to make it feel special and different. So what are the kinds of questions that you might ask yourself? There's a lot of different ways to do it, but here's some that I would recommend. One what are you grateful for? What are you appreciating about about your co-founder and what they've been doing? Even if it's things that you know the two of you have already established, are your roles and what you do.

00:03:21:17 - 00:03:35:16
Unknown
If you saw it and you've argued it and it meant something to you, you tell the other person that's going on with the company in general, like broader things, maybe that you've done that you're proud of or things that just been happening that's been going well. And then what's just going well in your life in general? Maybe it's completely outside of that.

00:03:35:16 - 00:03:54:08
Unknown
Maybe it's at you, you know, got you a new rank in some video game that you occasionally get to play or that your, you know, niece was just born and you're really happy about that. This is about getting to know and remembering to know something about your co-founder. It's so easy to let your and the business consume everything, but it's about knowing what's going on and feeling good about it.

00:03:54:08 - 00:04:13:16
Unknown
This is about building a foundation of support and trust, of knowing each other and appreciating each other. Next, we might talk about stress. We might say, hey, what is stressing you out right now? What are you worried about? And the key here is to not get into problem solving mode. Not getting into like, oh, well, you should do this or I'm going to do that, or why don't you just make this decision?

00:04:13:16 - 00:04:33:02
Unknown
You know, it's about listening to each other, hearing each other. It's so very, very confident person. You're a confident person. It's not about solving the problem. In this meeting. There will be plenty of meetings where you will get it. It's about saying, hey, I know what's on your mind. I know what's going on with you. Or if something is stressing you out, there's usually not going to be a very, very simple solve.

00:04:33:03 - 00:04:53:16
Unknown
It is something that's been weighing on them, something that they've been sitting with. And it's about you getting and this is what's going on in their world right now. So it's about listening, repeating, making sure you understand and just empathizing that this is maybe something that also stresses you out to some degree. It's something that is important to you, something that you know is related to the health and the success of the business.

00:04:53:17 - 00:05:13:04
Unknown
That's what this stress conversation is for, to keep it in your mind, to have, again, shared awareness of each other. The next question I might recommend is what are some questions or puzzles you have for me? So this is maybe the closest thing you might get to talking about, let's say a complaint or direct amount of feedback, but it's not really about feedback, right?

00:05:13:04 - 00:05:29:12
Unknown
It's about understanding once again. So the question is like, hey, you know, I noticed that you've been running late to stand up and is there something that's holding you that's keeping you from getting there? And should we move, stand up or do something else? Can you just help me understand what's going on? It's not an accusation, it's a clarification.

00:05:29:12 - 00:05:47:22
Unknown
Another example might be a puzzle where you might ask something like, hey, I know you said that you really wanted to make this particular hire, that you would take it on, but I haven't seen any movement on that. And you change your mind about this role. This candidate will change your mind about this. JD, the need for this in our business, or is it just something you haven't been able to get around to, or is there something else going on?

00:05:47:22 - 00:06:07:14
Unknown
So here, being really, really careful not to speak in an accusatory way, and as the other person try really hard not to be defensive, to take this with an open mind, give each other the benefit of the doubt, and try to receive that benefit of the doubt from your co-founder. Finally, I might suggest you talk about hopes and dreams.

00:06:07:14 - 00:06:30:12
Unknown
What are you hoping happens with the business? What do you wish happens when you dream happens? This is a great question to end on because it's so positive. It's so idealistic. You know, if you don't start a startup without having a lot of dreams, having visions, having an idealistic, optimistic vision and conception of the future, so this is a chance to share things, whether it's like, I really hope this new hire takes us into a new gear, I really hope that deal lands.

00:06:30:12 - 00:06:46:23
Unknown
I really hope that, you know, we exit for some huge amount of money. It can be long term, it can be short term, but it's again, it's about sharing in each other's wants and desires and knowing what the other person is looking forward to. And then when you go and make that thing happen for them, or the two of you can celebrate together, that's really a lovely place to be.

00:06:46:23 - 00:07:05:08
Unknown
So here's the thing. Those are just some of my questions. You can make this your own thing. So here's some tactical things to keep in my schedule it and protect it. Do not let something going on to allow you to skip this session. If you have to reschedule it, then reschedule it, but make sure it stays on your calendar.

00:07:05:08 - 00:07:27:11
Unknown
It's so easy to just skip it when things are going well or when you're feeling rushed. But you have to see this like your physical health, like your retirement savings, like keeping up with maintenance of your home or your car as an investment that you have to continue and make a rule to really avoid talking about business, talking about planning time, being about problem solving.

00:07:27:14 - 00:07:53:06
Unknown
Stay with the individual, their relationship, personal life experience, relationship that the two of you have with each other. Don't let this turn into a venting session. Don't make it feel like a chore. Make sure that you have fun with it. Do it in a way that feels good, feels unique and personalized to you. And honestly, the real test here is if you can feel like it's something to look forward to, something that you will enjoy doing with your co-founder, and you know you're doing it right.

00:07:53:06 - 00:08:17:20
Unknown
Doing a co-founder heart to heart is crucial for protecting the most important relationship in your business, which is of you and your co-founder. It's seen me through so many difficult times and my startup journey. It is something that I advise all of my clients to do when they're working with me and after they're working with me, and it's something that I promise if you put into your business, you will see the results and you will see the value.

00:08:17:20 - 00:08:47:07
Unknown
So one of the interesting things about the co-founder dynamic is that there are so many parallels to another, much better studied relationship, which is that of married couples. This heart to heart is something that I have actually adapted from a lot of research around marriage therapy and couples counseling. And so if you're interested in this topic and you want to learn more, I've made a whole video that's all about what co-founders can learn from marriage therapy, couples counseling, the real science, the real research behind it.

00:08:47:07 - 00:08:49:10
Unknown
And if you're interested in that, you should definitely check this out.